Purchase Notification

One day a stranger bought my comedy album through my website. All other sales were just from friends and family, so this was a mystery to solve.

Purchase Date Sun, Jun 23, 2019 @ 5:25PM
Purchased via Stripe
Note Congratulations! As a songwriter with a day job, I can appreciate how much craft goes into a body of work like this. Plus, you are just funny! Hope to see you live again soon.

What do you mean, “again”? Who is this? I didn’t recognize the name, which I immediately researched on Facebook. Zero mutual friends. There’s pictures of him playing in a band, so the story checks out. Does he look single? Age-appropriate? Tall? Hard to tell.

I wrote back and thanked him for buying my album, despite not even being related to me. I also asked if we knew each other in real life, because really, who else would’ve known about this? It turns out the Songwriter (SW) had seen me at a show before, and had heard me on the radio. The fact that he remembered my name is impressive. No one EVER remembers the comedian’s name, no matter how much they liked them. (“That last guy, the one with the joke about the dog– he was hilarious!” I’ll give you $200 if you can tell me his name.)

We got into an email conversation about being “after hours artists” and it turns out we’ve performed on many of the same stages around Toronto. This was more than enough prerequisite to meet in person for a drink. So, is this a date? Or is it two artists hanging out to talk about artsy stuff?

I think I rescheduled SW three times because of my unpredictable work days, but he was always willing to accommodate me. We finally met on a humid evening at the end of July last year. I had been in a funeral scene for a TV show, so I was coming straight from the cemetery to meet him. I was wearing all black and was kind of sweaty, but I got to the pub first and was at least able to change my shirt. He showed up looking all spiffy, wearing a suit with a pocket square. This was the kind of guy who makes an effort. He was cute. Oh hey, and we’re about the same height.

I still wasn’t sure if this was an official date, but I knew it was different from all my other online dating app meet-ups. The ones where level of effort is much closer to zero. “Sure we can get a drink or just come over to my place or whatever I’m not looking for anything serious. Lemme know if you wanna hook up and here’s a shirtless gym selfie and/or dick pic.” This one was a gentleman. SW was an adult with a grown up job and a house and kids. He’s 8 years older than me, so that’s not a gross age difference. Also I keep forgetting that people my age are adults, even if I don’t feel like one myself.

Right away he felt like a person I could be comfortable with. SW was already a fan of Karen the Comedian, but maybe he’d like Karen the Person too. It seemed like we had a lot more stories to share, so a second hang-out would definitely be in order. We had a few drinks, probably ended the night with a hug, and then went our separate ways. I texted Rachel to tell her that the random comedy fan was a nice normal guy and extremely not-creepy (like I said, my bar was low at the time). I could tell this one was a good one.

Our courtship was slow and steady at first… I don’t think we even kissed until the 4th date. After about three months I knew I was in love. I feel like the universe put this person in front of me and said: “Hey dummy, here’s that guy you keep saying you wanted! Right here. Could NOT have made it any easier for you.” My heart is happy. Of course the pessimist in me thinks that I’ll jinx everything just by saying it out loud, by posting it here.

Over a year later, it’s still warm and fuzzy and drama-free. We’ve never had a fight (whoops again, don’t jinx it). This is unbelievable because there’s drama all around us. HAVE YOU SEEN THE WORLD LATELY??? We’re six months into a pandemic. I’ve lost all my jobs and I’m just kind of spinning around in circles here. SW is working full-time and raising teenagers. We’ve gone long stretches at a time without seeing each other, due to kid schedules and following pandemic bubble rules — the math gets complicated when you factor in blended families. We’ve spent both of our birthdays apart.

Luckily we’ve got all this technology at our disposal. The people in the 1918 flu pandemic didn’t have phones, texting or video chat like we do now. Wait, maaaybe phones, but I bet they were expensive and had a perv operator listening in on your call. SW and I have had virtual date nights where we eat dinner and watch a movie over FaceTime video. It’s cute as fuck.

I have technology to thank for us even meeting in the first place. All I had to do to get a boyfriend was to record a comedy album after 13 years of performing, and then build a website to sell said album to potential suitors. Online dating: I like to do it the hard way.

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